MadiBlitz

Hello again watchers, friends, customers and people who are reading this for other reasons~
My apologies for not having commissions open for a very long time. Unfortunately I've been cursed with having a lot to deal with and I don't like to talk about it publicly due to the stigma with mental illness's ect... But this time I'd like to open up a little more on the subject. I just want to note, I'm not doing this for pity, infact I have a strong dislike of that. I hate getting attention, I've always preferred to be 'in the shadows' and keep to myself. 

Anyway, back when I was in highschool, I was doing fine until age 15, when I would get really bad anxiety attacks and couldn't go to classes. At the same time I had a lot of issues with my body weight due to a very high metabolism, which has since slowed a little, but it still requires me to eat a whole lot more every day than the average person. So I ended up having to do a program for my weight as well as very frequent visits for medications for my anxiety/depression. I didn't end up graduating, and was too ashamed to tell my school mates that, so I didn't keep in touch (sorry to my school mates, you were really cool guys, I just had too much on my mind everyday). After a few years and moving to a new house, things got a lot worse and I was a shut in. I would get panic attacks almost every night, and they are the worst feeling I've known, it literally feels like you're going to die, or it's the end of the world. I told two people about it, a friend from deviantArt, and a schoolmate. Both of them told me I was being silly. It hurt... a shit ton. To make it worse, I told one of my parents about it as well. Same reaction.
My other side of the family however has been very supportive, and everyday I feel incredibly grateful to them. Anyway, I was put on a certain ant-depression/anxiety med, which worked so well for a very long time. Until the past 3 months however. I'm now at the hardest part of my depression and anxiety, which is finding the right medication again. I've had a couple panic attacks but not as many as I used to have. I also had one at the mall which was super embarrassing...

I've made it my (mission?) to not over-stress myself with too many commissions, and to only surround myself with the right people. I've lost countless friends because of how shitty I felt each day, so I'm sorry. However, I will not make myself super outgoing and giddy just to keep friends, that's simply not me. But I wanna thank everyone who has sent me very nice messages and those who have commissioned me at some point, you guys are awesome and I'm very very grateful to have people enjoy my art <3

This was super tough to type out, so I apologize if there's any errors. I feel like I'm gonna regret posting this, but whatever. You can't keep everything bottled up forever.
I see many other artists on here and everywhere else who suffer from anxiety and depression, or even like me and have this weird form of high-functioning anxiety. I don't know any words of encouragement for this stuff, and don't wanna be held responsible for some stupid shit someone does lol 
I should also mention I have very dry humor... Even though I'm canadian, I won't apologize for that...

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